When I was a little girl I was invited to a sleepover at a friends house. I would’ve been perhaps six or seven years old and I was excited and nervous but really wanted to go.
My mum took me down, it was just around the corner, in the same village.
When we arrived I went to play with my friend and my mum went to the kitchen for a chat. At some point she left, for sure assuming I was happily playing, which I was. Yet, I was consumed with panic the moment I was aware she had gone and I couldn’t see her.
At that moment I felt abandoned, completely. My friend that I knew well and her parents became strangers that I blocked out. My distress became such that they phoned my mum to come and get me.
I’m not sure how she felt about it, I think she was a little embarrassed. I felt ashamed, but the moment I saw her and held her hand I just took a deep sigh of relief and felt safe.
I remember distinctly my heart rate coming down my breathing regulating and just feeling finally at peace.
As we walked home my hand in hers my anxiety dissipated.
Although just a childhood memory, I have a profound somatic change when I relive it. I have no idea where that panic came from. I don’t know why at that moment I was anxious but the experience became one of the defining moments of my childhood.
When I see a horse having separation anxiety it brings me back to that moment with such clarity I feel the pain. I feel the anxious panic, I feel the inability to find peace.
Just like my mum, as I grabbed her hand, I want to reach out. I want to offer them a hand, a place that they can find peace. Somewhere that they can regulate their breathing bring their heart rate down. I want that they see me as a place to be safe and be confident, to be at one.
I will not invest in it. I won’t punish or indulge. If I can offer them that place where peace can be found then I can start building their confidence so that they understand being separated from their paddock mate is OK, nothing bad is going to happen. On the contrary, learning opportunities and curiosity has room to take over and grow.
With different experiences comes more confidence and with more confidence comes more relaxation.
So to recap, remember, separation anxiety is not something to punish but it is something to work through with them. There’s nothing gained just separating the horse that is anxious and leaving them to work it out on their own.
How will you be able to learn if you’re not there to see when the moment of relaxation comes, or how long does it takes them to find peace.
Do they need a hand, something to change focus, to bring their mind and feet to the same moment. By observing the moments the mind and feet split again and how quickly can you get them back is invaluable information.
By leaving them alone in panic May leave you to believe you’ve solved the separation anxiety but the likelihood is all you’ve done is shut them down. Now you’re dealing with a horse that still has separation anxiety but feels that they have no ability to express it because nobody’s listening. A shut down horse who’s learning capacity has been hugely compromised by not being heard.
When my mum came back and held my hand she helped me regulate and helped me understand. This slowly would build the confidence I needed to grow.
Hold out your hand if they need to take it.
Need help with a horse that is experiening seperation anxiety? Let’s talk, Drop me comment and we can arrange a chat.
Rachel Windchaser – The Horsesmith™
“Connect with their MINDS and their Bodies will Follow”
REWILD YOUR HORSE SPIRIT
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